blogging

Little dancing clouds

distracted me from the episode of Mr. Robot I was streaming on my Ipad. We had another 45 minutes until landing. I found myself closing the ipad, leaning against the window, watching as we grazed across the cotton sky–mesmerized. As I looked forward, I noticed the man who sat in front of me–suited-well groomed business exec type–he was engulfed in his laptop running ratios for L-shares and drafting emails but then he stopped his gaze was drawn to the same maroon ombre skies. He closed his laptop and like me, continued to let himself fall into the moment. The older woman next to me shuffled from her nap and  dazedly glanced over to my window and lightly enclosed her hand over the cross the dangled from her neck.

It was a reminder, that we are all the same in the world. No matter what status we title ourselves during our every day lives– we are still such a small part of something so much greater. There is so much out there that we all fear–that we don’t know–that we don’t understand.

It’s funny how such a simple moment unearths the realization that we are one in the same.

 

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Here I go again.

On yet another blogging site. Yes. I’ve almost tried them all. From blogspot, xanga, tumblr, multiply..none of them of which satisfied my need to speak the true thoughts I had fluidly.

I had problems with the other sites maybe excluding blogspot, maybe because the layout was boring, but the other ones had me so socially connected. I understand the means of social media, but it took a toll on my life in which I’ve been read across, and discarded in my personal life. I’d like to uncensor myself. To not have to filter my words because I know someone I know is judging my actions. This wordpress, I’m not sharing, I’m not publicizing. I don’t want to repeat the words of others through reblogs, I don’t want readers who are actually in my life look at me differently because of something I have to say.

Call it shady, but I also started to tailor my blogs to fit what others would think would deem worthy on these sites. I would be self-conscious about posting things believing that people would think I’m lovesick, whiney, angsty, angry, depressed, over zealous, in-over-her-head ambitious, stubborn. In all honesty, that’s not what I came there to do. I shouldn’t have to filter my emotions in fear that someone my stick a label on my forehead.  I believe that I lost my knack with words, because I stopped writing for myself.

That’s why I’m here. To uncensor myself. To let it go.

To be able go on my angsty rambles and not have to apologize for my emotions, to reflect on my life lessons, and spill to the common guilts of being human.

Liberation. It feels good..and yes this is my hello to you wordpress world.