To tell you the truth I’m scared of being in love, staying in love, keeping love. I hear the stories and I hear nothing but tragic endings. Strikes fear in my bones. What’s it all for?
Every time a plan falls flat, or when you stop trying, or I feel like we’re getting too comfortable, or we build tensions from heated arguments..Uneasiness builds in my chest..as if my heart would plummet to the ground in fear that our love will just–plateau. “That’s it.”
My mind grows weary when I reminisce on falling in love, of our honeymoon stage. My biggest failure would be having the well run dry. Nothing hurts more..then holding on to something that’s no longer there.
I wrote this draft, 4 years ago…
And I just want roll my eyes and sit down with 20 year old me and tell her… That yes this feeling does plateau, yes you will be faced with the devastating question of “is this it?” countless times. It will hurt more than you know and it will happen many more times that you would want to admit. Oh, the tribulations you will go through in replenishing that “well.” I can’t help but just laugh at naive little me.
Ultimately, its a choice. A choice to continue or to give up and separate. It will always take work.
Luckily 20 year old Jackie, you managed to remain persistent for years to come. Luckily, he has too. Be impressed..you’re still together. Brace yourself. Those four years was one hell of a ride.
The thing about time…is that it leaves you little puzzle pieces for you to stumble upon again. The amazing treasures you will find.. And here I am, 24 years old, 2 years into my career, finding myself in the same place again. This time with a mature perspective. Oh the lessons you have learned
It was a coincidence actually, but the thing about life is, it will always finds the perfect time–at the most of ironic of times.
It helps me appreciate the things that I’ve forgotten.
I deserted this blog 4 years ago. And I left my opinions on the stadium chair of my college graduation.
Its about time I start picking up the habit of penning my thoughts again.